How To Ruin Christmas - Part Three

Candy is dandy but its not good for your body work.

Merry Christmas!

Auto Correct? Not Necessarily.

One of my new favorite websites is damnyouautocorrect.com. If you own an iPhone (or any smart phone with this feature), you'll know what I mean. Here's a sample...

How To Ruin Christmas - Part Two

Camels may not need water a lot but they do enjoy the church wine.

How to Ruin Christmas - Part One

With the help of Rudolph, we see first-hand the before and after effects of a lobotomy. It's not pretty.



And the band played on.

Controllable Christmas Lights for Charity

Here's one of my favorite internet destinations at Christmas. This guy's Xmas lights setup is fully controllable from your web browser. So you can inflate and deflate his inflatables and go on/off with his lights. He does accept donations for charity too. I dig it if only for the fact that the randomly blinking lights must piss off the neighbors. Do your part by clicking the link below.

Alek's CONTROLLABLE Christmas Lights for Celiac Disease

The Mad Traveler Comes Back!

Kevin Revolinski -- The Mad Traveler -- comes back to the area next week. He's making stops in Green Bay, Manitowoc and Sheboygan to sign his book "The Wisconsin Beer Guide: A Travel Companion". This would make a great Christmas gift for the beer enthusiast in your life. His schedule is at his website.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ryan Reynolds - Before the Sexy

It's official, ladies! Ryan Reynolds has been named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2010. The guy who's about to become The Green Lantern has come a long way considering how he looked when I first saw him on television.

Back in 1990 or 1991 when I was living on my own in Marshfield, I'd drag myself out of bed Saturday morning and flip on Nickelodeon at 11am for my guilty pleasure, a Canadian soap opera for young people called "Fifteen". This thespian train wreck was horrible but yet -- like many disasters -- I couldn't tear myself away. Each week I'd try to shake off the previous night's hangover by watching this cluster. After Nick found that they too couldn't stomach "Fifteen", they dropped it and I was forced to move on. Years later I started watching ABC's "Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place" and realized that one of the characters looked very familiar. It took a while but I figured out that Ryan Reynolds on "Two Guys" was one of the kids on "Fifteen".

Of course, Reynolds moved on since then ("Van Wilder" et.al.) but if you've never seen the really early days of "The Sexiest Man Alive", enjoy these clips from "Fifteen" featuring a teenaged Ryan Reynolds and bask in the bad. (I especially like the breathy blonde. Is she whispering?)

We're Worth HOW Much!?

Open those checkbooks, WAPL faithful! Here's your chance to own what seems to be a historic and influential album (according to the listed price) thanks to eBay! And if you're really that tempted to use the "Buy It Now" feature, hold off until you talk to me. I have a copy of this piece of WAPL history that I'll sell you. And a bridge.

Look At This F*cking Flying Shark!

Look At This F*cking Flying Shark!

Is it November 2nd yet?

I guess this explains why no one in the area races are running on a pro-environment platform.



Seriously? It's bad enough that there's three political ads every commercial break (TV and radio) not to mention all the Robo-Calls I get each week. Now you're dumping all your propaganda on me like leaflets during the Korean conflict. Do you think I don't know you all are running for office? By now people on the island nation of Togo know you're running for office.

I'm no tree-hugger but this pile of waste is ridiculous. I give two shits how crappy you think the other guy is and if I did care I'd watch it on your television commercial (I'm sure there's one on right now somewhere) because then when you start bashing your opponent I can switch channels. Here's a question. Instead of worrying about what the other guy's done, what have you done good that you should get my vote?

I guess it doesn't matter. I wish I could say I'm going to make it to the polls on Tuesday but now I'm not sure. Not because I'm fed up with political ads. I just don't think I'll be done shredding all these election mailings before then.

Well, I'm certainly in a weird mood today...

F**k Mexico

At least it appears that the weather will.

Time to drop some mad beats, yo...

...or something to that effect. Enjoy Vanilla Thunder.

Budweiser 2011

NASCAR fans... When Kevin Harvick hits the track for Budweiser next year this is what his car is going to look like.



Sharp.

Credit to jayski.com

All I Want For Christmas...

... is no more teeth.

And yes, you'll need to take out a home loan to buy this.

No More Brewers

Halloweener Dogs!

Halloween is coming up and I know what you're thinking. You're wondering what kind of embarrassing outfit you can dress your dog up in this year. Well don't worry...


The cat had it comin'.




Y-M-C-Woof.




I poop in your food!



Invisible jet? I wish I had an invisible vet instead.



Yo quiero to pee on your leg right now.

Packers/Bears Tonight!

The rivalry continues...


Catch the game tonight on 105.7 WAPL with pre-game starting at 5pm. This year, we celebrate the 30th anniversary of the legendary Chester Marcol touchdown where he caught his own blocked field goal and ran it in to beat them in overtime, 12-6. Poland cheered while Chicago cried!

Engaging the Public

While WAPL management encourages the air staff to answer the e-mail's of our listeners who have comments and questions about us or our shows, they frown upon us getting in an online pissing match with people who have an obvious disdain for the station and abusively tell us so. I for one enjoy a good internet sparring match as our aggressors usually back down after we respond. But I could learn a few things from David Thorne who handles this persistent fellow with grace and aplomb.

Only the Village People know for sure...

Back From Hodag...

...and couldn't be happier. Nine days is waaay too much country music and camper time for me. I uploaded pictures from last week. If you want to see what all the fuss is about and you're a Ross Maxwell "friend" on Facebook, they're in my Hodag photo album.

Two BIG thank you's. First, to Paul's Trailer & RV in Morrison for giving us a deal on the camper for nine days. And a HUGE thank you to PB&J RV Repair and Road Service on Hwys 10 & 76 west of the Fox Cities. We were on our way out of town and were having trouble with the electric brakes on the truck and had to stop in. It was 15 minutes before they were closing for the holiday weekend and they stayed over an hour to take care of the problem. They could have stuck us with a pricey labor bill but they were very cool and did a great job. They just opened earlier this year so if you need your camper worked on, they're your guys. Thanks again!

Mmmm. Twangy.

In mere hours I will be leaving for my yearly trek to the Wisconsin northwoods and the Hodag Country Music Festival. Yes, I know. It's country music. Those of you familiar with the situation know that this trip is not of my choice. My wife is the big country music fan and this trip is her deal. So to fulfill my husbandly duties I go along to listen to such artists as George Jones and Neal McCoy while self-medicating with Anheuser-Busch products.

Actually, it could be worse. Unlike other country music festivals where you have to buy their warm overpriced beer I can bring in my own. And since I grew up on old country I don't mind seeing ol' Possum or Loretta Lynn. In fact, the highlight of my Hodag weekend will be when she sings "Fist City". Then I can pass out happy.

Hodag runs from July 8th through the 11th but I'll be posting updates at various times during the week. And once the festival starts, I'll upload some pictures of some of the more interesting things I see (including some quality "eye candy", fellas... I just posted one from last year.). Check my "Mobile Uploads" at my personal Facebook page (not the fan page).

And wish me luck. I'll need it.

What'll You Have?

Changes afoot for a Wisconsin mainstay...

Thanks to my good friend Ron for the link.

Go Big Reds

Nebraska in the Big Ten Conference. Outstanding news. Having relatives who were transplanted to the Omaha area for many years, Nebraska has always been my number two behind Bucky. They will fit right in and I welcome the huge thorn that will be stuck in the side of Iowa with this move. That's going to be a great rivalry.

Nebraskans are as passionate for their Huskers as Wisconsinites are for the Packers. The Huskers are their pro football team. Tom Osbourne is a god in NE. And they know how to party. I was in Omaha over Labor Day weekend last year which was the same weekend as their first game and we were invited to my cousins in-laws for a tailgate party. Beer, tons of food, a sea of red, TVs on everywhere. It might not seem any different than what we do here but when every house up and down their road was doing the same it really says something about how important the school is to the people of Nebraska.

The Nebraska fan attitude is a lot like how it used to be here with the Packers. People didn't care how Green Bay did. Sure, there was frustration many times but we loved our Packers regardless of final score or division record. Then around 1992 and the influx of "bandwagon fans" that attitude became tainted. There's this pure love for their team that Nebraskans have that I don't sense as much anymore here. It's too bad but I guess it was inevitable.

In any event, I'm looking forward to having Nebraska around. They and their fans will fit right in with the Big Ten attitude. Welcome... and "Go Big Red"!

Rockin' Apple Sider

It's Side One of Foreigner's "Double Vision", tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

Tonight at midnight it's The Doobie Brothers and Side One of "Toulouse Street" on 105.7 WAPL.

Ross' Wacky-Ass Vinyl Find of the Week

Here's one for Len. Actually, it may belong to Len's since I found it here at the station.

He was no fool. He'd never get the attention of the promoters in the highly lucrative world of polka music with a name like Joe Oberaitis. It may as well have been "Joe Blow". Not to be daunted, Joe renounced his birth name and took a step into the flashy by anointing himself "Mr. Polka Dynamite". And the rest is history. Look at the new found confidence brought on by his career choice. You can tell that he's ready to take on the polka world with such hits as "Dancing Doll Waltz" and "The Golden Kielbasa", a tune which I hope I never find out the backstory. And backed by his polka posse, there's no stopping this wildman.


God bless you, "Mr. Polka Dynamite"... and your polyester gang of four. You make our weddings and ethnic festivals something to remember.

Rockin' Apple Sider

Join us tonight at midnight for Side One of "British Steel" by Judas Priest on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

It's Side One of Def Leppard's "High 'n' Dry", tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

Join us tonight at midnight for Side Two of Metallica's Black album on 105.7 WAPL.

Ross' Wacky-Ass Vinyl Find of the Week

If you're used to seeing the Gomer Pyle-side of Jim Nabors, the musical side may come as quite a shock. In reality, his singing career started at the same time as his acting career. Although Nabors has professionally retired his baritone voice to become a gentleman macadamia nut farmer in Hawaii, he still tries to perform at least one song a year. He will be returning to the Indianapolis 500 this weekend to sing "Back Home In Indiana", a tradition since 1972. He can still belt it out, too. Not bad for a guy who will be eighty in a couple weeks.

S-A-TUR-DAY... NIGHT!

Big night tonight on WAPL.

6-8pm - Yours truly.
8-9pm - Stone Temple Pilots Radio Special, previewing the new album coming out on Tuesday.
9-Mid - House of Hair w/Dee Snider.

And you thought all you'd have to look forward to tonight was sudoku.

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

The Dundas Testicle Festival is tonight. Two Of A Kind Bar has their outdoor tent set up and they're ready to rock with 1st Degree at 3-7pm. Then it's Half Empty starting at 7:30pm until whenever. Need directions? It's #1 on the map below.

Rockin' Apple Sider

We remember the late Ronnie James Dio with Side Two of "Holy Diver" tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

There's nothing wrong with this video.

That is...

1)...if you don't think John Parr looks like a creepy peeper when he's looking through the window.

2)...if you don't get uncomfortable watching JP sing to each member of the cast towards the end.

3)...if you don't notice the resemblance between John Parr and WAPL's Scott Stevens.


Discuss.

Rockin' Apple Sider

We remember the late Ronnie James Dio with Side One of "Holy Diver" tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

Inh honor of his new album, we'll be playing both sides of Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" on consecutive nights. Tonight at midnight, Side Two on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

Inh honor of his new album, we'll be playing both sides of Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" on consecutive nights. Tonight at midnight, Side One on 105.7 WAPL.

Ross' Wacky-Ass Vinyl Find of the Week

By purchasing this album at an antique store for a buck, little did I know of the many questions it would raise:

1) How many people were there in Up With People?

2) Why are they always smiling?

3) Why do they have their own theme song?

and...

4) Why is it that Joe Calgaro knows the theme song word for word?

Seriously. He comes into my office, picks up the album and sings the Up With People theme song, dead nuts on. What the f**k? I'm not as disturbed about him singing the song as I am that song. Who the hell knows that? You should ask Calgaro about his love for Up With People. Kinda weird and a bit creepy.

Rockin' Apple Sider

It's "Some Girls" by The Rolling Stones tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

Side One of Springsteen's "Born To Run" tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

Ross Maxwell suggests a friend for you on Facebook...

Rockin' Apple Sider

Happy Birthday, Billy Squier! We celebrate with Side One of Billy's "Don't Say No" release from 1981 tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

The New Fantastic Four

Don't get me wrong. I'm all about Iron Man. But here's a superhero team I'd really like to see.

Rockin Apple Sider

Tonight at midnight, Side One of Queen's "The Game" on 105.7 WAPL.

A Message For Our Local Racing Community

For a number of years, I've been reporting national and local racing results on WAPL's In The Draft. And while its easy to pronounce the names of NASCAR drivers just because I hear them on a weekly basis, its just as easy for me to completely obliterate some the names of our local drivers. You've heard it. Hell, there's some names that I'll pronounce different ways each time I read it off. No, I don't do it on purpose. I just don't have the correct pronunciation of your name.

So here's what I need from y'all. If I'm mispronouncing someone's name during In The Draft, e-mail me and let me know how it should be read. I feel bad not knowing I'm butchering a driver's name so help a brother out and catch my In The Draft reports Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 1:40 on 105.7 WAPL... "Your Station For Speed".

Ross' Wacky-Ass Vinyl Find of the Week

Here's one that no God-fearing family can live without. As the back of the album states, "Here is a family that truly enjoys singing the praises of the Lord..." I can tell. Look at 'em. They're itching to pull out the ol' gee-tar and belt out such favorites as "Little Church of White", "Don't Let Me Cross Jordan Alone" and -- my personal fave -- "No Rioting or Looting in Glory". Dang-a-lang!

Rockin Apple Sider

Tonight at midnight check out Side Two of "Cheap Trick at Budokan" on 105.7 WAPL.

Rockin' Apple Sider

This week we're playing albums from artists who were also in prominent bands. Don't miss out on the Red Rocker tonight at midnight. Apple Sider features Side One of Sammy Hagar's "Three Lock Box" on 105.7 WAPL.

Apple Sider - Tonight at Midnight

This week we're playing albums from artists who were also in prominent bands. Get ready to enjoy the dulcet tones of Ozzy Osbourne and Side One of "No More Tears" on Rockin' Apple Sider tonight at midnight on 105.7 WAPL.

Apple Sider Tonight!

This week we're playing albums from artists who were also in prominent bands. Tonight at midnight on Rockin' Apple Sider it's Joe Walsh and Side One of "The Smoker You Drink, The Player You Get" on 105.7 WAPL.

Advice for Baseball Fans Everywhere

DON'T RUN OUT ON THE FIELD DURING A GAME!

Ross' Wacky-Ass Vinyl Find of the Week

I'm a guy who buys a lot of vinyl records. Old ones. Stuff that you can't find on CD... weird s**t... If I see it, I'll buy it. I could spend half the day at Goodwill and St. Vinnie's just going through their racks. Long story short, I have a lot of strange and wonderful vinyl gems. And now through the magic of the internet, I'm going to share them with you on a (hopefully) regular basis.

My aunt and uncle had this classic by music's equivalent of the Wonder Twins when they lived in the Madison area. My cousins and I made sure to listen to it whenever we came to visit. But I thought the wholesome goodness of this Donny and Marie release was lost forever until I found a copy at a resale store. Oh the joy of hearing "'A' Is For Alice" and "C'Mon Marianne" again in all its crackly glory. Marie's spoken lyrics during "Deep Purple" still melt my heart and you can never go wrong with "A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock 'N Roll". If you ever come across this little slice of heaven at a garage sale or church swap meet, grab it and run -- don't walk -- to the nearest cashier, throw a five-spot down and yell, "Quickly, before the Mormons find out!"

Car Wars

Could it be that the Hendrick Empire is crumbling?

After Sunday's race at Talladega there's no doubt that things between Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson ain't all sunshine and flowers.



Seeing as how Hendrick Motorsports rarely shows weakness within the organization, probably not the preferred response that Rick Hendrick would have liked to see. But what's said is said and brings up a lot of questions. Mainly, what the hell is going on with those two. Both have always maintained that even though they're teammates they are still going to race each other hard if they had to. But last Monday at Texas when Gordon got on the radio to complain about Jimmie's rough driving and now at Talladega when Johnson's block on Gordon started a chain of events that ended up taking Gordon out has now thrown a red flag that won't stop the rumor mill. And far be it from me to not add to it.

Honestly, it could be as simple as coincidence. Two separate incidents at two consecutive races that happened between two competitive drivers. Gordon may just be frustrated about his recent lack of success and took it out on his friend and teammate. Or it could be that Jimmie Johnson has finally convinced himself that he is the end-all and be-all of NASCAR and to hell with whoever gets in his way, not even his car part-owner. Who knows.

It should be noted that Johnson did apologize for the Talladega incident although he waited until hours later, long after he left the track. But I'm guessing that apology was expedited by Rick Hendrick as to lessen the distraction that Gordon's comments have started within the organization. Hendrick's next probable move (if it hasn't happened already) will most likely be to sit Gordon and Johnson down Cole Trickle-Rowdy Gaines style and tell them their on-track issues aren't good for business and -- for the sake of the media -- kiss and make up. How that plays out will tell the real story.

Until then, Richmond looks a lot more interesting, don't you think?

I Have a (Messed-Up) Dream

I don't dream that often but this one was an odd music-related one so I'll share it. I'm going to have to paraphrase a lot of the verbiage because I don't remember but I need to type this out now or I'll forget all of it. Think 60s psychedelic and the styles of fashion and music that came with it as I go into this.

Last night I dreamed that I was working for some record company in the mid-to-late 60s and there was this band who wanted our company to represent them, so they had to audition for my record company boss and I with one of their original songs. I remember there were at least three of them and the main guy had one of those Nehru jackets that was orange-gold in color and he wore a 4-inch medallion that looked like a mini-gong.

So the band starts playing. Musically, they sound like a 60s psychedelic rock band. As they get into the lyrics... well, let me put it this way. Remember when Ice-T and Body Count came out with their album in the 90s and the strong reaction it got? Think of this band's lyrics the same way only not quite as bad.

They get done playing and me and my record company boss go into another room and he asks me, "What do you think?" I say, "Well visually they look great. Musically they're just what we're looking for. But those lyrics. I mean, what the hell!? Singing about killing and murder!? I want to think they played that as some sort of joke but I don't know. If we do sign them we're going to have to have someone write all their songs for them 'cause there's just no way..." We go back out by the band and I say to them, "I want to ask you this as not to offend you but was that song some sort of a joke?" They didn't say much about it.

Then the dream continues and I tell the band that if we signed them we'd have to write all their songs and we'd have to change the name of the band (the band's name was never revealed) and the band's new name became... Bubble Puppy. For those who don't know, they are an actual psychedelic band from the 60s (you may remember "Hot Smoke and Sassafras") and as I type this I found this while looking for a Bubble Puppy link...



Note the guy at the bottom. Not the same type of medallion but the same size. And the guy in the orange is close to the color I saw in my dream. I should also point out that last night I dealt with the topic of puppies AND bubbles at separate times so I'm guessing that had something to do with the band's name showing up in my dream. Friggin' odd. I don't even know how to end this other than the fact that this will become a regular feature if I continue to eat weird crap before bed.

Be My Fan

In response to the other members of the airstaff setting up their own Facebook "fan pages", I started one for me, too. Not because I need to validate myself with a lot of fans. I just want more than the rest of the staff so I can rub their nose in it. And just on principle alone, the Illinois natives on staff shouldn't have more fans than any Wisconsinite. It's geography.